The NeverEnding Story
by Nanashi-Angel
Summary: The mocking of several generations of Zelda games. Not meant to be mean, I'm a huge fan. One-shot based off the song Legend of Zelda by System of a Down.


Legend of Zelda – The Never-Ending Story

_**Link, he come to town,  
Come to save the Princess Zelda**_

The boy dressed in green sighed gustily from his spot atop the bay mare. _'Really,'_ he thought, '_tights? Who in their right mind… ?'_ He sighed once again as he kicked Epona into a trot.

'_Epona. I like it. Very… unique. I bet it's never been used before!'_

He sighed once more and kicked the mare into a gallop. By this time I'm sure said mare was tired of said kicks and firmly resolved to stop at any fence the green-clad idiot decided to try and make her jump. Try being the key word.

"This whole 'Save the Princess Zelda' quest is annoying," he told his horse conversationally. "I mean really, who walks up to a random guy and says 'Go save the Princess!'? It's just not done!"

Link pouted childishly at once again being told that he was the only hope and he had to go save so-and-so… though he had no idea where that came from as he was fairly certain he had never saved anyone and was pretty sure he had never even met the Princess.

'_Must just be de-ja-vu or something. Yeah, that's it. One of those off-the-wall things that feel like they have been done millions of times before…'_

_**Gannon took her away,  
Now the children don't play  
But they will, when Link saves the day!  
Hallelujah!**_

Well, that bastard Gannon just rode up on his awesomely nightmarish steed and carried Zelda off.

'_Can't the girl even defend herself a little bit? 'Oh no! Link! Gannon has me! Please save me!' Really...'_

Link had been about to deliver some artifact or another to the princess that was desperately needed in his quest when Gannon showed up to kidnap her, Link only arriving at the tail end of said evil act.

Throughout the fighting and yelling – 'Oh Link save me please!' – and general havoc, Link noticed that Gannon had this familiar feel about him. He chalked it up to him just having one of those faces. _'Yep, that's it,' _he told himself decisively, _'just one of those familiar faces.'_ Though how a man with a green face can have 'just one of those faces' continued to stump him and he firmly decided not to think about it. _'I'm pretty sure I don't wanna know…'_

Link looked around the town quietly, the depressive atmosphere getting to him as well. Any sarcastic remarks he normally would have had to idiotic townsfolk were quelled. He looked around uneasily and shuffled to the side shiftily, trying to avoid notice as he slipped out of town.

_**Now Link, fill up your hearts  
So you can shoot your sword with power**_

_Shuck! Wait. Watch grass grow. Shuck!_

Yes, our hero was cutting grass. Epona looked on in disbelief. That was HER job!

Link had no idea where they came from, but the little red hearts that popped out when he cut the grass made him feel rejuvenated. That, and the fact that his injuries went away when he ate them. Odd, that.

In the distance, wolves howled, and it was suddenly dark out. As the skeleton zombies arose, Link got a brilliant idea and flung his sword at one. It cleaved it in half, killing it instantly.

'_Smart move, genius. Now my sword is over there!'_ He reached to pull off his sheath, intending on using it to beat them down until he could reach his sword. Instead, his hand came in contact with the hilt. Drawing his sword, he gave it a suspicious look, and then proceeded to cut through the masses till the roosters crowed and the sun rose.

_**And when you're feeling all down  
The fairy will come around  
So Link be brave, and not a sissy coward**_

Wiping the sweat off his brow, Link sat up and looked around from his position on the ground. He felt like he got trampled by a heard of horses. Standing up, he brushed the dirt off his now red dress - sorry _tunic_ – and watched the little fairy flying around him in a show of glittery lights. He had originally caught it because it was shiny, and who knew WHEN shiny things would come in handy? As he felt his metaphoric hearts fill up, he rethought the usefulness of the little friendly fairies.

At hearing the giant thumping noises that stood for the… thing's… footsteps, he looked longingly at the now-sealed door. Link threw a cautious look at the… thing… that he had charged bravely at and then proceeded to get mauled in a wonderful show of glory. He soooo wanted to leave now, but he was stuck, so he tightened his grip on his trusty sword and charged in once more.

'_At least I have a few more fairies…'_

_**Now Link has saved the day  
Put Gannon in his grave**_

Staggering back from the green man, Link cheered in victory. On the inside. Because it would ruin his image to actually SAY something. And image is everything. Hence the green dre-tunic.

He watched in awe as Gannon spewed his last words (which no one listened to, partly because only Link was there to hear them and partly because Link was too busy staring in awe). After what had to have been a twenty-minute speech declaring that he would get his revenge, Gannon finally died. Very anticlimactically.

'_Did he just desinigrate?'_ Link asked himself, then once more firmly resolved not to think about it. Some things you are better off not knowing.

_**So now Zelda is free  
And our hero shall be  
Link! I think your name shall go down into history!**_

The now free Zelda – 'Oh Link! Thank you! I knew you could do it! It was your destiny!' – handed the still-in-shock Link a very old history book.

"I'm sure you have some questions, Link, about everything. This book has been passed down through the Hyrule Royal Family for generations upon generations. It tells the history of Hyrule, and its people. But mostly it tells the history of the Royal Family, and you." Zelda handed him the book and then proceeded to walk out of the castle library.

'_This book tells the story of a green clad warrior who fought the green skinned evil one to save the Princess many times throughout history. It begins…'_

He stopped there, closed the book, and walked away. He didn't want to know. There are some things you are better off not knowing, after all.

-End-

Well, that's that. It's no one LoZ game in general; I sort of took bits and pieces from most of them and threw them all together. This is pretty much a mockery of every Zelda game I've played.

What did you think?

-Emrys-


End file.
